Birthday – Schmirthday

Today is my 30th birthday.  My views on birthdays are as follows:  I enjoy any excuse to give me presents.  I dislike events during which I am the center of attention.  I enjoy events heavily centered around desserts.  I dislike the idea of measuring the value and quality of my life and accomplishments on a particular day (New Year’s, birthdays) because society expects me to.  It’s kind of a wash. But this year is different.

Thirty is a milestone, they say.  Of what?  I think it’s funny that because I’m hitting this random number, I’m supposed to reflect on the progress of my life.  I just Googled “why are some birthdays milestones” and read this bullshit article about how people credit their success to the reflections they make about their lives on their birthdays.  One woman talked about dyeing her hair when she hit a “milestone” birthday because it signified having “fun again” after she spent the last few years taking on responsibilities like marriage and parenthood.  Let me be honest.  This woman pisses me off. Continue reading

Day 210, Week 30, Month 7

I have had a lot of trouble writing this week – I have started and shaped probably four different topics, and I keep finding I need to edit but cannot.  The act of writing can be torture in that the exact words you end with are the only thing that count to the reader.  What you leave out doesn’t matter, and within my recent writings, I have found that I have so much to say and don’t want to leave a single word out.  I am grateful for this because for ten years (my drinking years) I did not have anything to say, and now the words aren’t coming out fast enough.  Still, after dealing with this for three days, the writing and stopping and editing and reading and writing some more…  At this point, if anything good is going to come out of my words, I need to back away from them for a while.

What this means for you is that instead of reading about whatever it was I intended for this post (it is still unclear, gah!), I am going to talk about my choice to be sober and where I am in that choice today. Continue reading